I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
