I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
