I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
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As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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