I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
