I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
