I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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