NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
