i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
