oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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