the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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