I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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