Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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