i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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