god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize