...so i touched it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
