It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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