I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
