Apparently you make a good broom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize