I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
