i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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