So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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