Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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