I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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