Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Enjoy the penises
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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