i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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