they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
