We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
