yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
