i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
