Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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