Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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