This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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