I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
