did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I met the friendliest cop last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
