You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
