we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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