well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
