A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
