Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
