Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
