I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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