you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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