someone get that fucking seahorse.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
