You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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