I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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