nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
