I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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