he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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