well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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