I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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