spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
