And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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