She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
