We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need moral support for this bender
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
