hotel room ftw
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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