Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
