Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
