There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
