What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
