dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
as a side note pls kill me
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