capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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