yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
