i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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