good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
