Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
